Going back to what I was going to Blog about... Thinking back... I have thought back as to when I think my Fibromyalgia symptoms started. They have done studies and they think that traumatic events could trigger it and start it off. Like car accidents, major surgeries, deaths in the family Etc. I have thought back to 1998 when my Daddy passed away... It was the most awful thing I've ever experienced in my lifetime. It happened suddenly... I was out Christmas shopping and got a phone call from one of my sisters (Roxy), She was crying and sounded scared. She had told me "Tab, Dad had a heart attack! He's at the hospital" I couldn't believe it and was in shock and all I could do was to repeat "Is he going to be ok?" She kept repeating "I don't know" we were both in shock. I hung up and waited outside the store in the cold for my husband to pick me up. I was in such a state of shock and crying, a kind employee at the store asked what was wrong, he got me some coffee and offered words of comfort. Hubby picked me up and we went off to the hospital, where I spent most of my time for the next 4 days. Daddy had a massive heart attack, and was in a coma, and was on life support. (This is so hard but I need to face this, and writing is my therapy) Most of the time at the hospital was a blur... I do remember parts of those 4 days. Like crying to him when we were alone, and telling him he had to come back. Because he was supposed to go to the cabin with me in the summer, and go to his favorite ghost town Bodie. I begged him to fight and come back to me... I needed him. (Pausing... In tears right now)
That day my other sister (Linda) came to me, we finally went to my apartment to get a few hours of sleep and a shower. She woke me up and sat at the foot of my bed, and talked about "What needed to be done". They almost lost Daddy that night, and it was time to talk about getting him off the life support. I remember parts of that day... When I went and said my goodbye... I took his hand and stroked my left cheek with it for about 2 mins. I didn't want to forget what his hands felt like or looked like. I remember him stroking my cheek when I was little and sick, he was such a comfort. I can still feel his hand on my cheek today... I'm glad I did that. I remember leaving his room... and standing outside with all the grandkids and family (Close to about 20 of us). I stared up into the sky.... and prayed for God to be there for him. It was a sunny day with Blue skies... a beautiful clear but cold day. We were then told the doctor wanted to talk to us, It was momma and the 5 of us kids, my hubby, my sisters hubby... The doctor in a very quiet voice almost a whisper said "He's gone" I ran down the hallway and collapsed into my husbands arms crying. (Ugh this is still so hard to do *Tears*) It was a horrible hard traumatic thing that happened to me, and now that I think back... Shortly after this I started getting some of my FMS symptoms. This is how I think that my FMS started up... It was the worst thing I have ever experienced.... I might blog later... a quick little one... I need to take a break. <3 Loves -Tab
(((((((Tabs))))))) I am so sorry for the loss of your Daddy... I know the day will come when I'll lose mine, too, almost this weekend (again)... I cried with you as I read this thinking of how difficult it must have been for you, and how MUCH it must hurt - even now. I pray God will comfort your heart today after "reliving" those days through your writing, and that you will never forget the love of your Daddy. <3 I love you, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sweet Cindy, It was very hard. So sorry to hear that he wasn't good this weekend. *Hugs* :( I know how much you love your Daddy. Just know that if you are ever down, or need a shoulder to lean on I am here for you. Love you back my sister.<3
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss Tabatha. I can't imagine what losing a part is like. I can't even fathom it. I need to speak to my mom tonight about getting on here and speaking with you. My grandmother passed away in 2006 and I feel she wasn't the same after her mother died. She was so busy and popular and loved doing things and now she has all these aches and pains and has seen so many different specialists.
ReplyDeleteI may need to help her set up an account but I'm hoping she'll join. I think you two have a lot in common and I would love to see her get some pals online that know what shes going through.
*HUGS!*
Parent* (oops)
ReplyDeleteThanks sweetie <3 A traumatic experience like that can throw you into a shock. Losing a parent is so very hard. I'd like to chat with her, get her signed up. ;) Has she ever been diagnosed with FMS? So many doctors miss the diagnosis and so many still think it's in our heads. :/ Believe me it's not... the pain is real. You have to really search to find a good doctor who believes in it. I look forward to meeting her. <3 Loves
ReplyDeleteShe has been diagnosed with FMS but the pain she has now is some kind of nerve pain that is stemming from somewhere else and the doctors can't seem to figure it out or diagnose it. So she has the FMS pain as well as her other random symptoms from medications and then the nerve pain. I gave her the blogspot website last night and she said she would love to sign up and chat with you. I'm excited! :)
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