My Journey in life living with a chronic illness.... Fibromyalgia.

Hello, and welcome to my Blog! I hope this page helps everyone understand Fibromyalgia and what it's like to live with this chronic illness. I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, I just want people to understand this illness. I hope that you learn something from my Blog. All I ask for is a little understanding and kindness... and from those who Pray... a little prayer for strength maybe? Thanks for following my Blog! Loves, Tab

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Goodbye... Hello...

Hello Everyone,

It's been way too long since I've written. Today I'm feeling like I need to write a goodbye to the life I had before Fibromyalgia. I had hopes of overcoming this... and I'm finally realizing that it's not going to happen. Not unless a cure is found... I pray for one everyday. I pray for one for my family members who have FMS, my friends and myself. It's a cruel illness... I feel like it has robbed me and my family of things, things we've always wanted to do. I used to have a dream to take a photography class, and someday have my own gallery where I would sell my pictures of nature. I have pretty much given that up... It's so hard for me to learn new things and concentrate anymore.... I also forget things quite easily after I learn how to do them, Very frustrating. I no longer have any dreams... only dreams of moving out of L.A. and moving to the country with my 2 Loves. So, I say goodbye to the things that I used be able to do... Ice Skate, Ride a bike, go on long walks, Motorcycle rides with hubby (me on back) and so many more things. Too many to really list. I miss the motorcycle rides the most, I honestly see couples together on their bike, and feel a bit of jealousy. I loved the feeling of being out in the open, and the whole experience, especially quality time spent with my Love. I say goodbye to waking up feeling completely rested, and waking up with energy. I say goodbye to all day shopping trips, and just enjoying getting out and being really active. I think when you have a chronic illness, you have to let go of some things... and just kind of close the door on them, bury them. But, no way am I giving up on things....

This is also a Hello...

Hello to accepting myself the way I am... and trying to live life to it's fullest the best that I can. I'm accepting that I am no longer "Superwoman", I used to be there for everyone and I put myself last. Well, I'm putting myself first (Well, technically 2nd, God is first! Always!). I need to do this... I need to take care of myself so I can help others. Most of all so I can take care of the two most important people in my life... My Erich and Ej.  I will start asking for help when I need it, and I'm not going to feel guilty for asking for help. I will also learn to say "No" more, and not push myself until I drop. I'm going to try and be the best wife and mother that I can be... I love my husband and son more than I can ever say. I'm truly blessed to have such an understanding and loving husband, who is standing by my side during this bumpy journey holding my hand. He tells me every day how beautiful I am, and he shows me daily how much he loves me, and he is so very understanding on my hard days. Thank you to my husband who is the most amazing man, I'm so blessed to have you. You are my rock, you are my world. I'm blessed to have such a precious son, who shows me how to fight every day... He fights his autism everyday, and I see him overcome so many obstacle's. I'm so very proud of everything he has overcome... He is amazing. So, Hello to a new look at things and how I do things from now on... I'm going to accept myself as the way I am... I can no longer mourn the old me. I'm going to look at the things I can do... and do them for as long as I can. I'm going to live... I'm not going to let my spirit die. I love each and every one of my family members who support me, and each and every friends that supports me. Especially the girls on FB at SLOF. Also to the "Fab 6" I love you sisters with all of my heart! and thank you for ALWAYS being there. Now, off I go to learn to accept myself, and to love myself again.